Loss

So seductively easy to lose myself in real glowing moments of blistering happiness, God-given moments of happiness, blessings in the truest sense of the word -- over my clarified life meaning, over the ones I love, over my abilities, over even my spiritual maturation -- and lose God completely, and not even think about Him until the end of the day when silence inevitably catches me. Then I know why these moments of happiness have spaces, why there is even an abiding sense of anxiety that underlies all of it, why I can't enjoy them as fully as I can. You can be happy and in elated awe at the polyphonic goodness of life, and yet still not have any real engagement with it, still not have a deeply spiritual, will-based love of it. She dances with you, scintillating in her glory, but are you really taking your turn to share the lead?