Wednesday, January 28, 2009

On Fallen Preachers

Ah, Ted Haggard. Mammoth prosperity as a preacher of the nondenominational New Life Church in Colorado Springs. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't happily sit down and have coffee with him. Personality warm enough for the half-lookers. Funny, by all accounts paid real attention to his individual listeners, intelligent, kind, with a masterful preaching style and exegetical skills. He was also stone cold anti-homosexuality in the lawbook of his teachings. Nothing new; see the religious right (with a few exceptions).


We'll ignore for the moment that there's no explicit support for condemnation of homosexuality in either Old or New Testaments, and that's putting the case very generously. Leviticus with its arbitrary laws ideal for a community at a particular place and time: homosexuality warnings juxtaposed with prohibitions for haircuts (Lev. 19:28) and polyester (v. 19). The story of Sodom and Gomorrah and Lot in Genesis 19, which has absolutely no negative value stance toward homosexuality in the story, though the ignored or unlooked-at Ezekiel 16:49-50 points out the sins of Sodom in a list sharp enough to cut glass: pride, gluttony, "prosperous ease", refusal to aid the poor and needy. They were depraved, yes, and rape -- homosexual or not -- is a spiritual and ethical no-no. As Gordon Atkinson (aka Real Live Preacher) would have it, "let's all say it together, 'God doesn't like rape.' You could have listened to your heart and learned that, Christian. Move on." Yes, move on. Romans 1? Well, homosexuality is mentioned there as a subset of a deeper problem: paganistic sensuality. That's different, I'm afraid, than condemning homosexuality itself. And I'm also afraid that I didn't keep my promise to ignore.

But Haggard. Well. He didn't like homosexuality. He wanted the positive breaths of his clique against his back as he condemned the world. And what happened? Why, it turns out he's not simply a homosexual, but an adulterous methamphetamine user who solicited sex from a male prostitute. He had sex with his wife while drugged up. His church attempted a cover-up. He was a good guy with an otherwise harmless secret that he could have been open to accepting, but instead turned out pretty bad. I don't like muckraking unless there's a point to be applied, so we'll stick to the story.

What's the driving force behind the conspiratorial walk that Haggard once cleverly concealed? He isn't alone. Jimmy Swaggart walked the route with solicited sex toward a prostitute in a pornography decked-out hotel room. Jim Bakker walked through allegations of rape and financial exploitation and came out blood red at the end. They're all preachers who preached well -- respected, talented, apparently ideal. They all fell because the law was loved before love itself. And there are millions upon millions of others, preachers or not, Christians by name, who carry the same inward decay clothed with immaculate whitewashed walls.

People like Haggard have flesh. He occupies space. Imagine him sitting in his recliner in his living room the day after his church was told, trance-like, trembling inwardly over his humiliation. Imagine him constrained with anxiety over what to say to his wife and children, and how fearful he must have felt as he thought of the barbs his friends he once shared a sparkling ideology with would throw at him, the coldest of all indifference and unconcern. Imagine the deathly old age that painted his middle-aged face as he carried the world on his shoulders. There's always a second scandal with every scandal: that all of humanity holds dark secrets and only a handful of individuals get dropped into the morbid spotlight, bewailed and destroyed by a world just as inwardly thrilled over the stimulation a secret like this brings as it is externally paternal in its culprit rage. When scandals happen, I loathe the hot-trot lookers more than the emasculated looked-at. That's what Jesus did, but I would feel this way in a world without a Christ-contained history.

Haggard's former spirit hovers over every denomination flirting on the continuum whose extreme is Pharisaism. Every preacher whose highest value is less than love, who preaches love in the abstract, or not at all, who relies on the relative intelligence of the mind over the universal bathing power of the heart in choosing verses to support spiritual murder. Perhaps he is learning love at this very moment, even if his mind is sledding away from God. I hope.

You see, people like Haggard have the last judgment on earth. The true human beings (and Christians among them) never changed their inner love for him, before or after the fact. They, the amiable minority, are the innocent, and the rest of the world is in for bad times. I exult in a last judgment, not because I want the wicked or weak to be unveiled, but because I want the ill-treated to fit back into the universally human. Guilt plagues our past but the future holds our innocence, and she is always there, smiling brightly at our side. Blessed are the uncovered, for with them eternity is downhill. "Nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered, and nothing secret that will not become known" (Matthew 10:26). Lord, let it be.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Life, def.

[lahyf], noun, plural lives [lahyvz], adjective, verb

-noun
  1. biology. The condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.
  2. movement, change, becoming; goal-oriented clusters of atomic material.
  3. anthropology. Spirit applied to flesh. See "freedom", "pain", "overcoming".
  4. pseudoHeideggerian. Unlostness, unfloatedness, authenticity; untrammeled, intimate relation to being.
  5. mysticism. The state of not giving a damn, and in not giving, receiving: Abraham believed God, and so Isaac became his life, even at the crucial time.
  6. unbridled, tear-blessed, exuberant, unspeakable thankfulness: "If the only prayer you say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough" (Meister Eckhart).
  7. a person or thing that enlivens, animates. See "woman", "madness", "Lindsey", etc.
  8. metaphor. State of electricity; becoming towards electricity.
-adjective
  1. eclectic, broad, unconfined, without limit.
  2. the quality of lasting: he had a life-fueled love.
  3. of or pertaining to animate existence.
-verb
  1. to backhand one's trials for the sake of a higher iridescent victory: he lived [past tense].
  2. to leave love in one's footsteps, transcend the worry for others' eyes, to take what is given to you, to love even what causes you to stumble. See "exuberance", "God", the emanating stranger across your apartment lawn.
  3. to be; I mean really, truly to be.
  4. ______________ (insert yourself here)

Friday, January 16, 2009

Love

The only way to value fully the person we love: in losing them. In having them we cannot value them fully: we are too busy consuming them.

A Prayer For You

Take it coldly as it stands:
The world is dark and broken
When loves are ripped in half
And goodness unawoken.
Though sadness kills and drains,
A hidden Father's warmth remains.
Where silence dwells, attend,
For quiet whispers lie within.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Ignorance

None of us knows what we have. The human, all too human, the base, everything from sickness, wars, greed, wrath, disappointment, despair, pessimism -- every single darkness on the horizon of existence -- thrives on this ignorance. We have everything, for all life blazes with originality and wonder. We have paradise, but none of us realize it. We are tragedians. We deserve death from pity.

The excommunicated are those who realize what we have. The landscape of humanity is deathly cold; you have only God for a durative friend, and God might not even exist. You have silence, but the world distracts with echoes. You have the truth, but only a handful of souls to share it with. This truth is not a doctrine, not a dance between abstractions, but truth in the Heideggerian sense: truth as unconcealment of being, as the mystical revelation of what really is there. We find truth by experience, but the world sucks on words.

How can we communicate? Love is our only weapon, and warmth our only invitation. Happiness trails in our footsteps, and blessed are those who take the time to notice. For our clothes are bedraggled, but our hearts are overflowing.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Well Well Well Well Well

William Zantzinger dies on January 3rd. By all accounts no better than Dylan's dark poetic portrayal over forty years ago. Exhibit:

The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll -- Bob Dylan

William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll
With a cane that he twirled around his diamond ring finger
At a Baltimore hotel society gath'rin'.
And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him
As they rode him in custody down to the station
And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder.
But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears,
Take the rag away from your face.
Now ain't the time for your tears.

William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years
Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres
With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him
And high office relations in the politics of Maryland,
Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders
And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling,
In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking.
But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears,
Take the rag away from your face.
Now ain't the time for your tears.

Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen.
She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children
Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage
And never sat once at the head of the table
And didn't even talk to the people at the table
Who just cleaned up all the food from the table
And emptied the ashtrays on a whole other level,
Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane
That sailed through the air and came down through the room,
Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle.
And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger.
But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears,
Take the rag away from your face.
Now ain't the time for your tears.

In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gavel
To show that all's equal and that the courts are on the level
And that the strings in the books ain't pulled and persuaded
And that even the nobles get properly handled
Once that the cops have chased after and caught 'em
And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom,
Stared at the person who killed for no reason
Who just happened to be feelin' that way without warnin'.
And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished,
And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance,
William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence.
Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears,
Bury the rag deep in your face
For now's the time for your tears.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Problem

I have a problem. I am interested in everything, passionate for a million things, and good enough at half a million. Why is this a problem? Because the vast majority of things in the world are useless from the vantage of society, and the few useful things float to the top like chips of pretty wood in water. I like the few but prefer the collection, and the most precious metals hide at the base.

The average Joe is propelled to fit social orthodoxy: get a job, marriage, children, debt. He would be too miserable, swimming in his boredom, without this bourgeois ideal. He is propelled to what society calls success because, quite simply, he doesn't know how to use his time. His is a state of perpetual becoming without footing, like a ghost who floats across the ground. He is not happy in all things, but abstracts happiness to hand-me-down social standards. He can't live in the moment, for to him the moment is purely a state of fortune, of what happens to him, and he has no training in perception to see every bit of the world as it is.

What if you're interested in everything? Then there is no longer that abstracted becoming. You can be happy, blessedly happy, by becoming absorbed in the duties of the instant. But objectively, from the perspective of everyone else caught in the disease of bourgeois living, you are a heretic or a lazy ass. You need to make money, because money is a form of power and security, which are in turn based in a serious desire to be accepted and find one's place in the good regards of the collection of others that form of a society. If you don't want to make money, you are in effect saying that you don't need the world, and what greater secular blasphemy is that?

The self sufficient individual is always a bit of a riddle, even if he claims God to be on his side.

Friday, January 09, 2009

On Gardening

If I have one essential word to speak to intellectuals, it is this: You are not your own.

All greatness of thought, all imperviousness of depth, all incalculable height of imagination -- these are initial seeds planted not by yourself. They are givens, effects of the shared chromosomes of parents you couldn't choose, that dance between fortune and the contingency of choice involved with their meeting. You have the glory of gardening these planted mounds of personality, of asserting your freedom and nurturing these seeds into a graded existence, whether immaculate or halfhearted or some infinitesimal point inbetween. But you cannot take responsibility for what is planted. You are only a gardener, and as gardeners we are all equal. From the least and most neglected, to the greatest founts of admiration.

Humility is not a choice, but a realization.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Dylanologists, Be Proud

You try to tell her what to do
and all she does is stare at you
her stare is louder than your voice
because truth doesn't make a noise
-- The White Stripes

Monday, January 05, 2009

[Not a Religious Poem]

Lionized by ways the world uncurls,
In coldness kept by darkness bloomed,
We huddle up, our warmth unfurled,
And dream the wonder of the moon.
Men and women of the secret,
Ever pitched with focused eyes,
Fully conscious of the skit
The world incessantly retries --
So we are and so we stay
With love and laughter, unafraid,
Until the breaking of the day,
And night brings angels to our aid.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

The Pastor Said It Rightly

Superficiality is the curse of our age. The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem. The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people.
-- Richard J. Foster

Friday, January 02, 2009

Escape

What to do with all this time? The spaces between are what we escape from or create from. And you can never really escape, because the escape always lies dormant, clandestine, hidden in your eyes, there for the world to see. Thankfully the world is too busy hiding to see.

Thankfully, that is, tragically.